The Bulldozer
Call 14
Track guide
Lick the Pope?
Overnight Chauncey
The Bulldozer is the fourteenth prank call in the Crotchety Old Man Calls series.


(ringback tone)

Bob: Jones Heavy Equipment.

Milton: Oh! Thank God you've answered! Who is this?!

Bob: This is Bob!

Milton: Bob! I rented one of your bulldozers! I'm on it right now and it's out of control!

Bob: Uh...

(Milton crashes into a Buick)

Milton: Holy crap! I just plowed into a Buick! How do I turn this thing off?!

Bob: Uhh...what?

(Milton crashes into another car)

Milton: Oh! Holy-! Gee, I just ran into another car! I was plowing a lot in my residential neighborhood and it's gone completely out of control!

Bob: Sir, sir...

Milton: What?!

(Milton runs over a gazebo)

Bob: Sir, what-? Sir! Sir!

Milton: Holy-! Ah! I just ran over somebody's gazebo!

Bob: Sir, what- which model is it? Which model bulldozer?

Milton: was a Caterpillar!

Bob: Yeah?

Milton: Eh, um.....D!..D6!

Bob: D, D6! D6! D6! Um...

Milton: D6! And it's out of contr-!

(Milton crashes through a house)

Milton: (screaming in pain and terror, grunting)

Bob: Sir! Sir!

Milton: (screaming) Hold on a sec! I'm crashing through somebody's house! (screaming) All I can say is thank God I had a cell phone with me! (grunting) Okay!

Bob: Sir!

Milton: I'm ou- I'm out on the street now!

Bob: Turn off the ignition!

Milton: What?!

Bob: Turn off the ignition! It's right there on the dash!

Milton: I've tried! The key snapped off in the ignition! It's all bent up! It won't shut off!

(Milton crashes into another car)

Milton: (screaming and grunting) I just hit another car!

Bob: Sir, there's a killswitch in it on your left!

Milton: I'm trying!

(Milton attempting to press killswitch)

Bob: Hit the killswitch!

(Milton runs over a toolshed)

Milton: (screaming and grunting)

Bob: Sir! Hit the killswitch!

Milton: I tried! Nothing is happening! Nothing- ah! I just ran over s- another toolshed! There are some Girl Scouts selling cookies up ahead!

Bob: Oh no...sir?!

Milton: Get out of the way! GET OUT OF THE WAY!!!

(Milton runs over Girl Scout cookie stand)

(Girl Scouts screaming)

Bob: Are they okay? Did you hit them?

Milton: No! I ran over their stand! I crushed their lemonade and cookie stand like a bug, but they're okay! I see them behind me! Okay- how do I turn this thing off?!

Bob: There should be a killswitch right on your left! Just push the button there!

Milton: Wh...what, right here?

Bob: Yeah!

(bulldozer stops)

Milton: Okay, I got it! Tractor's off!

Bob: Sir....what is your name?

Milton: My name is Milton Fludgecow! I rented this yesterday to do a small plowing job in my yard and now it's turned into my worst nightmare! What kind of defective equipment are you people renting?!

Bob: Defective equipment?!

Milton: Yes, you sch-!

Bob: Sir, you shouldn't even be operating that thing!

Milton: You schmucks rented me defective equipment! I'm gonna file a report and I'm gonna sue your ass off! It's gonna be "Fludgecow's Bulldozer Rental" by the time I get through with you!

Bob: I'm calling the cops on you right now! Goodbye!

Milton: (stammering)

(Bob hangs up)

(ringback tone)