The Car Alarm
(salad shooter motor running)
Pre-Recorded Message: Welcome to (censored). If you know the extension you are calling, please press "1". For store hours, press "2". If you have a question regarding your account or bill...
Milton: I got an emergency!
Pre-Recorded Message: ...directions to the store, press "5".
Milton: I-I got an emer-!
Pre-Recorded Message: For an operator, press "0". For calling...
Milton: I got an emergency! Operator!
(Milton presses 0)
Pre-Recorded Message: Please hold during the silence...
Milton: I'm holding! Help!!!
Woman: Can I help you?
Milton: Oh my God! Thank God you've answered! Help me!
(glass breaking in background)
Woman: What's the problem, sir?
Milton: I'm-I bought one of those salad shooters and it's going crazy! The salad shooter is shooting crap all over my kitchen! AHHH!!!! It's launching carrots like missiles!
Woman: Unplug it, sir!
Woman: Unplug it!
Milton: I can't! It's stuck in the wall and it won't break free! AHH!!!
Woman: Try the switch! Turn off the switch!
Milton: The switch broke off like a little toy! And it's not working!
Woman: (talking to co-worker) He has a problem with the salad shooter. It's going all over the place. What did you do?
Milton: It's ruining my house! GEE!!!
(vegetable is thrown through the shooter, collides with the wall loudly)
Woman: Pull the plug harder, sir!
Milton: I'm pulling it as hard as I possibly can! Your damn salad shooter is ruining my life!
(glass breaks, Milton wails)
(crashing stops, salad shooter suddenly stops)
Milton: Oh my God, you're not gonna believe it. It just shut off all by itself!
Woman: Sir, bring that back to the store immediately!
Milton: Oh! Sure thing, tootsie baby! See you later! Bye bye!
(Milton hangs up)