The Wrecking Ball
(Milton is exercising on a defective exercise bicycle; Milton panting)
Man: Exercise World.
Milton: Oh, thank God you've answered! Are you the people I bought this bike from?
Man: Yes, who's calling?
Milton: I'm on this exercise bike right now- my name is Milton Fludgecow, and (coughs and hacks), I'm having a terrible time with this thing!
Man: Well, what can I do for you, Milton? What's up?
Milton: It's really tough to pedal! I'm on it right now and it's the tension- it's very, very, very tight!
Man: Well, uh-turn that tension wheel to your left. Release it.
(Milton struggling to turn tension wheel)
Milton: I'm turn, and t-, t-tu-I'm turning it, and it won't budge! It's like it's welded or superglued in place!
Man: Uh, Milton, take your time, don't be nervous. Just...turn that wheel to your left.
Milton: I'm turning it...
(tension wheel snaps off)
Milton: Oh my God, it just snapped off like a pretzel! It ju-it snapped off!
Man: Well, what's going on...?
Milton: Le-let me pedal a little faster...I'm pedaling- (pants), I'm pedaling faster now! It's starting to wobble almost like the wheel's about to come off!
Man: Get off the bike.
Milton: The wheel is shaking very violently now!
Man: Well, get off the bike!
Milton: I can't get off the bike!
Man: Get off the bike!!!
Milton: I can't get off the bike!!! I'm-I'm scared! Ah! I'm going very fast! Ehh! Oh my God, it's loose! AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
(Milton crashes through the wall, falls down a flight of stairs, crashes into a bookcase and a cabinet containing porcelain figurines)
Milton: AHHHHH!!!!!!!!! DAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!
Man: I'm not gonna tell you again: get off the damn bike!
Milton: (screaming and grunting in pain)
(glass shattering, Milton grunting in agony)
Milton: Oh, my God! Oh, your exercise bike has ruined my house!
Man: What's wrong?
Milton: It slipped off the frame and launched like a rocket! I just smashed through the wall, I went tumbling down the steps, I smashed through a bookcase and then I plowed right into my curio cabinet containing my priceless collection of Hummel figurines!
Man: I told you to get off the bike, you idiot! Come on!
Milton: They're all-they're all smashed to bits! In fact, it's a miracle I was able to hold onto this cordless Cobra telephone! (pants) I'm gonna sue you people!
Man: You're gonna sue me?
Milton: I'm gonna sue you for selling me a defective death trap exercise bicycle that propelled me like a rocket ship!
Man: Come on, ya idiot!
Milton: I'm gonna sue you idiots!
Man: Okay, sue me!
Milton: I'm gonna sue your pants off!
Man: All right, ya schmuck. Go ahead, sue me. Sue me!
(man hangs up)