Carpet Calls 2
Call 7
Prank Call Guide
Carpet Calls 1
Drunk Mall Santa
Carpet Calls 2 is the seventh prank call in the Crotchety Old Man Calls series. It is a direct sequel to Carpet Calls 1.


(ringback tone)

Middle-Eastern Man: Good afternoon, Carpet (censored).

Milton: Oh, thank God you've answered! Is this the carpet-

Middle-Eastern Man: God (censored)! Stop it and don't call me, you bastard! I'm sick and tired of you!

Milton: Do you remember me?

Middle-Eastern Man: Yes, I do remember you and shut up and don't call me anymore!

Milton: It's been months since we last spoke!

Middle-Eastern Man: Yeah, that is enough! Don't call me!

Milton: How did you know it was me?

Middle-Eastern Man: You're a crazy man!

Milton: A few months back, we spoke because my son Chauncey smashed Silly Putty into the carpet.

Middle-Eastern Man: Yeah, I-is not my responsibility-don't call me anymore, okay?!

Milton: I want it repl-

Middle-Eastern Man: I have another line!

Milton: Well, listen-you...

(man hangs up)

Milton: Hello? Hello?

(ringback tone)

Middle-Eastern Man #2: Good afternoon, Carpet (censored).

Milton: Yes! Let me speak to that guy that was yelling at me!

Middle-Eastern Man #2: Hold on, please...

Milton: Thank you!

(Milton put on hold)

Middle-Eastern Man: Yes?!

Milton: Yes, you were very rude to me again! I thought maybe, after four or five months, you'd calm down and quit yelling at me!

Middle-Eastern Man: Yeah, and still, I will yell at you!

Milton: After we last spoke and you rejected my claim on my carpet, I had a nervous breakdown and I just got out of the mental home!

Middle-Eastern Man: (sighs)

Milton: I had a lobotomy!

Middle-Eastern Man: Okay...

Milton: To calm down my cravings to maim and stab and be all angry and everything.

Middle-Eastern Man: Don't call me!

Milton: Ah-

(man hangs up)

(ringback tone)

Middle-Eastern Man #2: Good afternoon, Carpet (censored).

Milton: Yes, let me speak to the other guy again real quick!

Middle-Eastern Man #2: You can't speak to him! Sir, if you call one more time, I'm going to give you to cops...

Milton: What?!

Middle-Eastern Man #2: I'm going to sue you, my friend. This is a business...

Milton: I know!

Middle-Eastern Man #2: You cannot call us, okay?

Milton: I want to-

Middle-Eastern Man #2: If you call one more time, I am going to sue you for harassment...

Milton: Let me talk to the other guy!

Middle-Eastern Man #2: You cannot talk to other guy, sir.

Milton: I want- I want a job.

Middle-Eastern Man #2: Huh?

Milton: I want to sell carpet! I-I'm starting today, I'm coming down to fill out the application!

Middle-Eastern Man: Okay, come and get the application!

Middle-Eastern Man #2: All right...

Milton: Hello?!

Middle-Eastern Man: God (censored) crazy guy...

Milton: Let me speak to Flappy!

Middle-Eastern Man: Don't call anymore! And don't call anymore! I'm sick and tired, okay?!

(man hangs up)

(ringback tone)

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